What People Think of You is None of Your Business

What people think of you is none of your business.

I really mean it, Sooner you will realize this its better for your mental peace. The best part of life is judging a person is so easy and free of cost. Same is the case with making perception and opinions about a person. If by any chance government start putting some taxes on making opinions and speaking shit, you will see people paying amounts more than their income tax.

People around me feels I am game planner and have been planning my moves of my life since 2003( the year when I lost my mom). First I got agitated, lot of tear pouring happened, lot of frustration, wasted lot of efforts and energy in apologizing and proving my innocence then i blabbered one liner and after saying that i myself was amused at what i said.
It was "I can't even plan the next move in chess bloody how can i plan 14 years in advance".

Then I realized don't just get bothered by what people are saying.They may call you Jhansi ki Rani, Abdul Kalam, ho kya tum? Similarly if the call you shrewd,cunning game planner- ban gaye kya tum??

I took a deep breathe, remembered the importance and power of the relation i have lost, and told myself you have handled laplace transformations, fourier transform,SQL queries,Artificial intelligence and so many world wide known tough topics so elegantly, this shit can't be more tough than all these.


My parents gave me birth and raised me well to do something good not to impress people around me. I will not waste their efforts and I will not waste my efforts in thinking about such people, rather will consume my energies in a constructive way to raise my kids and to make my life more purposeful. Let me have the fun of wasting their efforts of cursing me and finding fault in me. The more i get bogged down by what people are saying the more satisfaction they will get, lets do the reverse and have the fun.

"Fake people have an image to maintain,Real people just don't care".

~Anshul

All World is" Indeed" a Stage

"All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts." ~ Shakespeare

I think I read it in Grade-12,in the Chapter "As you like it", most likely that time 

the reading was purely just to grab the quick meaning to make sure I am securing good 

marks in English paper by answering any questions based on these lines.

After 16 years,I feel I am able to decipher this to an extend in coherence with 

Shakespeare and further adding my own understanding,thoughts and views to it.

Originally these lines were followed by the description of life's stages where 

Men and Women play these roles,starting from infant stage to extreme old.

To give it my flavor I would say Indeed all world is a stage and all Men and Women 

are merely players,playing their roles based on the relationship they share.

Whether its a Mother-Son,Husband-Wife,Brother-Sister,Father-Daughter or take any 

two persons involved in a relationship, they just play their part. Their roles are

governed by and controlled by the external factor like AGE,time,money,family 

conditions etc.See here i purposely highlighted the word age as in my version this 

age is mere a factor affecting the roles where as the original one from the play 

As you like it made this age as the central idea.

The main intent of writing this down is to explain that whenever you are going 

through the ups and downs of life, whenever you feel you are battling with your 

own thoughts,just remember its not about you, the cosmos is not conspiring against 

you,else you are mere a player in this entire play called "Life" and you are just 

playing your part.Your role may be perceived as a hero by some, as a villain by some,

as a supporting role by some,as a lead role by some, as a comic role by some and 

for some you are just giving a guest appearance. You are the same person being sensed

differently by different people, but you don't have to justify yourself,or blame 

anyone or feel bad,ask clarification.Just keep in mind they are doing this because......

                     "They are also merely playing their roles". 

maa

This one is for you mummy....

Its you birthday today and just like everyday I am missing you a lot. Its been 13 years still I am not able to accept the fact that you are not with me.
I don't know why it happened with me, I was just 21.... I needed you are your love everyday but I feel you left me at a very delicate age as I was big enough to understand the loss but not mature enough to understand the world and people....

For a girl entering in 20's means spinning new dreams,hope, creating career, transferring from teenage to a mature girl, that is "the period" when you look for a friend in your mother. I lost my best friend maa when i lost you.... i was all alone and i had no clue whats wrong whats right...and so I just did what starting coming in my way.

I needed you a lot when I finished my engineering and at convocation all parents came for the ceremony, no one was there to hug me and say we are so proud of you...all parents were full of ideas and dreams for their daughters for the future I was completely lost thinking from "here to where".

I needed you when I reached home from hostel and no one was there waiting for my arrival, nothing was there in the kitchen hiding as a surprise like it used to be... maa i didn't know what to say with whom to share, i used to feel scared in sharing my inner thoughts with anyone thinking people should not take advantage of my situation or feel pity and do stuff for me, so stifled my tears.

I needed you to take a decision whether i should go for MBA or take up some job, when I got lot confused I asked myself "mummy hoti tou kya kaheti" I replied myself " MBA karo , higher studies is never a waste". I made this a practice, playing both roles, asking a question myself and replying to myself thinking what would be your reply in this situation.

I needed you ,your smile and your feeling of proud when at campus placement i bagged satyam's job. Remember maa you used to say God has not given you a son because he gave you me who is not at all less than a son in any possible way... I wanted to hear that again from you on that very day.

I needed you, to tell you that I want to marry a boy of my choice, and wanted you to talk to dad and convince him, I did all that by myself and it was not as simple as writing it here in one line.

I needed you when all my marriage preparations were going on, I remember how beautifully and lovingly you collected all stuff for the marriage of both Di's. Maa I needed somewhere to pamper me,hug me love me and spoil me just when 4 days were left for the marriage, i wanted someone to say "bus ab yeh bhi chali jaayegi"....

I needed you when during the ceremonies every time mother was required to performed all rituals. To tell you the truth I don't know what all was going on as i said I was just accepting what all was coming in my way as you were not there to tell what's right what's wrong what's good what's bad.

I needed you to tell me how to behave at in law's place after marriage,what all to expect, what mistakes to avoid, how to face the challenges, how to keep patience and how to stay calm but you were not there....

I needed you when Avik was born, those 8 hours of labor followed by C-sec just wanted to hold your hand and just wanted to hear from you, "its ok sabkay saath hota hai you are a brave girl". I wanted that post delivery pampering, love that every girl gets from her mom, that one sentence "you go and sleep for sometime I will watch Avik."Almost same sequence with Aarini also....

I missed you each day, whether I am happy I miss you to celebrate my happiness,when sad need you to console me,When troubled need you to help me in figuring out the solution, When a failure need you to hug me and tell me its ok may be next time, When depressed need you to boost me up.You are there in my thoughts all the time.

Many times I see you in my dreams where I see this reality of not having me in my life is mere a dream, the moment I open my eyes I know the truth... Many times I sit in my room alone cry and just feel you are sitting right here and I am telling you everything. No one ever in life can fulfill the vacuum that is created in my life.I when lost you I not only lost my mother, I lost Mom's home, I lost my best friend, I lost my well wisher, I lost my support system, I lost my hopes, I lost my comfort zone, I lost my belief system, in all I lost myself....

 Now as Avik and Aarini are growing up I just pray that if I can at least do half of love care sacrifice,support for what you did for me, I will feel I did best for my kids.

Love you Always and Miss You Always!!!!!

TOP OR FLOP ???

Is it ok to assume that a person excelling professionally can handle the day to day home crisis easily or visa versa?
Confused? Read the question again....

A person doing good at professional front, able to maintain healthy professional relationships,having a good rapport with peers and seniors may goof up personally. It works equally well the other way i.e a person with healthy relations at home may not be able to handle the professionalism at workplace.

The more interesting fact here is that the qualities which are your highlights at workplace are the once taken negatively at home. Your attributes which are praised at home are not acceptable at workplace. In fact many times you will feel the Approach/strategies/process/procedures, you are using at workplace in devising a solution of your problems fails miserably in home crisis situations at the same time the way you handle day to day home crisis holds no significance in solving work related problems.

What does all this means? Are we two different persons one at workplace and one at home? Do we play split personalities? Why this difference when we are dealing with humans at both places? One place you are star and other place you are a waste. You hold numerous colleague and friends and just a handful of relationships or a complete loner at workplace but most desirable in family. Your work is much appreciated and organized at office but at home you are seen as a clumsy person. This leads to irritation,suffocation and confusion.

In order to understand this I tried relating to  Johari Window , it addresses the problem to an extend but still its not a complete answer.

Pondering upon and still trying to figure out the answer...

- Anshul

You Can't Have It All

What we want from life?

A high profile job or a mediocre job? Loving parents or caring In-laws? A handsome boyfriend or amorous husband?

Family dinner or late night parties? A simple rule of life is “You can’t have it all”.

Life is not that kind and fair; everyone gets their own share. The most important thing is to feel happy. All that comes to my mind is should we feel happy in what we get or should we know what makes us happy and put all our efforts to get that.

I struggled a lot thinking about this day and night for many years. As a third person’s view my life is so perfect but then I think am I happy? Do I feel motivated? Do I feel contented? Then I realized that I have many things but I don’t have the feeling of satisfaction I don’t feel happy.

I got lot confused I started feeling I am not counting my blessing am I not respecting things I got etc. After lots of thinking I came to a conclusion that it’s not me who is complaining, cribbing and irritable all the time. We may have many things but we don’t know what exactly we want to make us happy.

Happiness can be from a very basic and simple thing like relaxing and sipping a hot coffee on a rainy day, or sleeping till 11 am, or not cleaning up the mess in the home, or sitting whole day doing nothing.

The only thing is we should know what makes us happy. Internal happiness is what is required for a healthy happy life. Accept the fact you can’t have it all. You have to settle down in life with the options you have, choices you made and decisions you took.

Once you have accepted the things you will see that even if you cant have it all, whatever you have you will be able to create a balance and happiness will follow.

I AM ME

         

v  I should consider myself blessed.

v  Count your blessing

v  Your husband is the best thing that can happen to you, else “kaise kaise husband hotay hai”

v  You kids are god’s gift

v  Consider yourself lucky you got married on time

v  Say thanks to god for having kids timely

v  Good that you’re in laws are not like mine

v  At least you can go out and work think about me….

If you are a girl I am sure you must have heard/came across at least one of them, if not all. 
I wonder and going through a massive inner conflict thinking is this 
what is all needed in a girl’s life?? Why a girl's happiness is associated and dependent on others?Is this the definition for a girl’s happiness??  These are normal things why a girl is supposed to feel and think lucky for these routine events? And for that matter why only a girl is lucky it should stand good for both partners.

The problem is with the mindset of people, the inequality that prevails in the society, the fact that girl is always at mercy. Marriage is a relation, a commitment between two people to live together and face good bad together. Then from where all this comes into picture?

Why a man is not considered lucky that a qualified girl is coming to his home, accepting his non caring parents, respecting them and doing chores in their home for them!!!!

v  Why girl has to cook for all?

v  Why ultimately it’s a mother’s responsibilities to get up at 2.30 am to change diapers?

v  Why girl has to adjust as per new customs and traditions?

v  Why girl has to dress as per her in laws guidelines?

v  Why girl’s lives change after marriage and then kids?

v  Why girl has to wear toe ring, bangals,wear sindoor and other things after marriage when boy wears the same jeans and t shirt he used to wear before marriage

v  Why girl is considered lucky if she is able to continue job after marriage and kids?

v  Why girl has to get up first and wake up husband and kids?

v  Why girl has to make kids ready and have to put kids to bed?

v  Why a girl is being blamed if a son talk back with his parents?(“ Kaan bhar diye” the most common phrase you can relate to)

Numerous why comes in my mind daily ….some amuses me, some irritates me, and some get tears in my eyes some invites sarcasm but at the end all remain unanswered.

When when and when the society will change? When the mindset will transform? When the revolution will happen?? Till when a girl has to sleep with wet eyes.

We should not talk about research and science experiment when we are still stuck with rudimentary intricacies of life.

Yes I am blessed and I am lucky but I have my own reasons

v  I am born intelligent

v  I been a topper throughout

v  I am good looking and know how to carry myself

v  People appreciate my dressing and my style

v  I am a good person and I can keep secrets

v  I am good at my work

v  I am decent cook

v  I reduced weight recently

v  Even after two kids I look young and smart

v  I got a job even after break of 5-6 years

v  I am doing good at work

v  I know who’s who

And Above all I AM ME!!!!!!

DUMB- NOT DEAF

Married girls should be dumb not deaf

When I get troubled with my in laws all well wishers keep telling me behave like deaf and dumb.

I actually tried doing that, it turned out to be a working formula to some extent, and then I realized that the above sentence needs a slight modification it should say be dumb but not deaf.  Because the problem persists ,if you behave as deaf as your in laws want to vent out their frustration by speaking and they want a trash can to dump their frustrations. Hence the dumb factor becomes so so important because only being dumb can nullify the Newton’s law “to every action there is a reaction”. No deaf and totally dumb goes so much in hand in hand that if you disturb the delicate balance, the entire harmony is gone.

Dumb means not to utter a word and keep listening to all the shit. The moment you break your silence you are gone. People will rip you apart. No one will support you as you will be tagged as a one who talks back and misbehave. Believe me YOU HAVE RUINED YOUR LIFE the moment you utter a word.

The Saviour

You yourself are your saviour. No one will help you, it’s your fight and you are all alone in this. But that doesn't mean you lose your courage and hope. Always remember someone somewhere is looking at all this. No efforts go waste and no wrong deed goes without punishment.  History tells us that everyone has to pay back. You can think both ways either it’s your payback time or the one who is troubling you will have to pay back. If you set your mind like this the kind of satisfaction you will get is immense.

The “NEW YOU”

Well the output of all this? You will emerge as “new you”. Full of vigour, hope and desires. Fully matured with a wonderful thought process.  Small things don’t bother you much and you look forward for good and better things. You know your limits and you are so flexible. You have mastered the art of “feeling happy” and mere” looking happy”. You truly understands the meaning of “Count your blessings”. You laugh looking back at the moments where you acted dumb. And you really know how perfect you are that people are so jealous of you. You understand the kind of inferiority complex you gave them. It’s not you who is fighting it’s them struggling to save their position in your presence. 

You will see yourself humming “khud Jiyo auro ko bhi jeenay do”

-Anshul